well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
