pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Randomize
