and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
