clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
