I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
