The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
