So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
