i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
