My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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