If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
