if i can run in heels then i can drive
I have demons in me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
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