Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
