when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
