I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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