how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
