I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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