Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
