I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
