just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i am craving dick and cupcakes
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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