he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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