someone threw a dead crab at me
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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