I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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