I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I have fence marks all over my body
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
