i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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