Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Even my vagina gasped.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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