I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
