someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
