I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
