i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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