I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
