We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
