i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
