He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
