Im at strip club and am horny
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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