i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
