I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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