It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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