Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
