first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
