I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
