ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
