I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Randomize
