Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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