i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
