pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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