A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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