Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
