Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
