I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
