he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Randomize
