Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
