Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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