i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Shame is for Republicans.
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