It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
