I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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