Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Never joke about your clitoris.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
