sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
