I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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